A Life In Progress

I’ve Lost Him August 12, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — jdalsin @ 2:20 pm

Jordan has been so supportive and in favor of all the changes we’ve been making.  From our diets, to new ideas about what the girls should and shouldn’t be exposed to, to trying to leave a smaller footprint on the earth.  He never makes fun.  Always asks good questions.  He’s usually happy to be along for the ride.

Until now.

He thinks I’ve lost it.  He’s making fun of me.  He calls me names like “crazy” and “psycho” and has mastered a not-so-nice impression of me.

You see, for a few months now I feel like I’ve been affected by things that I see.  They make me feel bad.  Like violent movies and t.v. shows, for example.  I really noticed when we were watching the last season of 24.  I had my eyes closed most of the time, my heart felt funny and my stomach sick.  I had to ask myself why I thought it was o.k. to watch people being torchered and killed.  And for those of you who are anything like Jordan, YES! I know it’s not real.  But I really feel like I’ve become calloused to a lot of these things.  And, here’s where I get “crazy” apparently, I feel like all these things you see become a part of who you are.  (It’s o.k. You can snicker.  My husband does right to my face.)  I think it hardens our hearts, introduces negative energies, feelings, thoughts.  I learned so much about how our bodies, minds, hormones even, react to seeing stuff like that and well, it’s not that good.  Do I really want to release stress hormones into my body just so I can watch the Joker kill someone? Not really.  But more than physical, what’s bothering me more is the mental and emotional. 

The last straw for me was when Jordan and I went to go see the Dark Knight a few weeks back.  I had my eyes closed a lot, looking like a 6 year old wussy girl, I’m sure.  But I just don’t like seeing stuff like that. I’ve always been like that.  I could never watch a fight in highschool because it made me sick to my stomach.  Even though I used to like scary movies, truthfully, my hands covered my face half the time.

I guess for me it’s like this.  You wouldn’t want to surround yourself with negative, downer people, right?  I feel the same way about being around violence, whether it be in real life or on t.v.  Real or fake.  Just gives me the same types of feelings. Brings me down the same way.

So I told Jordan I’m done.  Maybe for a long while or maybe I just need a break.  I don’t know.

He asked me if I was implying that he should stop too. And no, I wasn’t.  I think it’s a personal choice.  If it doesn’t bother and affect him the way it does me, I see no reason why he can’t go on watching whatever he chooses.  He’s been watching movies alone more often lately.

As for me, I see enough of that junk on t.v. in the evening news, read about it in the papers and get a glimpse of all the horror I can handle when I watch documentaries & read stories about the women and children in Africa.  I don’t need more of it and I certainly don’t need it to “entertain me”.

So there you have it.  I’ve gone mad. 😉

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7 Responses to “I’ve Lost Him”

  1. Michelle Says:

    I agree with you totally. Wow, great minds really do think alike. But yet… you love Swing Town. One of those things that makes you go… hmmmm. 😉

  2. grandma Says:

    aunty Lyse is the same.

  3. Amanda Brown Says:

    I always knew you had swinging tendencies. Your mom has just confirmed it for me. 🙂

  4. Mike + Steph C Says:

    You can come join our crazy farm anytime! I know Steph is deeply bothered by the same things as you. To a certain extent, I’m not as bothered, but I don’t believe that it is ‘right’ to be watching alot of that stuff. I’m not sure it is ‘wrong’ either, but given that there are so many good and wholesome movies out there, why should we fill our minds with this type of stuff? The # 1 reason why we don’t own a TV is the reason you bring up, and we carefully screen which moves we go see and rent.

    I don’t think you are at all crazy. You have a conscience! Stick by it, because it will lead you where you want to be. Actually, Jordan helped set me straight about the occassional swear word in my music almost 10 years ago, and I’m glad he did, my life is much better. If Jordan keeps harassing you, send him to me, I’ll straighten him out this time

    Mike + Steph C

  5. Kaili Says:

    Love your Mom and Amanda’s follow up comment! Haha! I think I need to see what you are talking about with this swinging show! Hahaa! I am going to download it. Look you just made swinging normal to me. Grrrrrrreat! haha!

    Anyways, I don’t think you are crazy. OR I am crazy too!

    I have never been able to watch scary stuff. I hate it. I hated the joker in the dark knight. I mean I think it was a good show. I think I would have rather NOT seen it though. And I think it’s sad that Heath’s little girl one day will see it. Yeah he did an amazing job of being completely coo coo, but I think it crossed the line in my mind.
    I do believe what we are exposed to (and more importantly our children) becomes more normal to us. Whether it’s something HORRIBLE or something as sweet and natural as breastfeeding. I think more people and children need to see woman breastfeeding their babes. It becomes normal to us, and it becomes something that is a part of us and what we would choose when we are faced with that choice.

    Holy I am really going off here hey?
    I mean it’s like you jump in my mind, look around then post about what I think! It’s crazy!

    I can’t handle scary stuff, the emotion of it is SO hard on my body. It’s so real to me. I feel the pain of the one suffering.Robin watches all the scary ones on his own. I could never watch 24 without Robin holding my hand and covering my eyes often!

    I don’t mind that grown ups watch stuff that they enjoy. It doesn’t effect everyone the same. Jordan and Robin enjoy it. Go for it watch it. I don’t mind. I won’t be sitting next to you though.
    BUUUUUUT, I hate when people expose their children to it. Stupid stupid stupid!!!
    Dana said when he went to the dark knight their were little kids in front of him. I would have been a all pissed off and told off their parents! Haha!
    There is my rant. Don’t be scared!

  6. Linda Says:

    I think we were seperated at birth sometimes. ;o) I can’t watch the news and when I see a headline on yahoo, I try to stay away, things like that stay in my head too. And it affects me! Jon is the same way though, I let him watch his shows after I go to bed. ;o)

  7. Kristin Says:

    I used to like Law and Order, CSI, etc, and after working in a women’s shelter, those stories no longer fit in the “entertainment category” of my life. I am curious about this idea of taking things in…I’ve never considered it that way before, but it kinda fits in with an idea that I would call cultural trauma – where the experiences are not firsthand, but impact us deeply nonetheless. Lately I feel emotional, and have had a hard time figuring out what those emotions are about. And the closest way I can describe it, is I feel like I’m mourning for women. Mourning for the ways we are sexualized and in this way dehumanized in ads, magazines, and billboards. Mourning for the violence that occurs against women (and children, and sometimes men) within that intimate space called family. Mourning for the way it has become okay to make a ssnowboard with a naked woman for the image, or tv shows with sex and violence for the storyline. Where do these paths take us?

    Thanks for letting me rant for a moment.


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