Jordan has been so supportive and in favor of all the changes we’ve been making. From our diets, to new ideas about what the girls should and shouldn’t be exposed to, to trying to leave a smaller footprint on the earth. He never makes fun. Always asks good questions. He’s usually happy to be along for the ride.
He thinks I’ve lost it. He’s making fun of me. He calls me names like “crazy” and “psycho” and has mastered a not-so-nice impression of me.
You see, for a few months now I feel like I’ve been affected by things that I see. They make me feel bad. Like violent movies and t.v. shows, for example. I really noticed when we were watching the last season of 24. I had my eyes closed most of the time, my heart felt funny and my stomach sick. I had to ask myself why I thought it was o.k. to watch people being torchered and killed. And for those of you who are anything like Jordan, YES! I know it’s not real. But I really feel like I’ve become calloused to a lot of these things. And, here’s where I get “crazy” apparently, I feel like all these things you see become a part of who you are. (It’s o.k. You can snicker. My husband does right to my face.) I think it hardens our hearts, introduces negative energies, feelings, thoughts. I learned so much about how our bodies, minds, hormones even, react to seeing stuff like that and well, it’s not that good. Do I really want to release stress hormones into my body just so I can watch the Joker kill someone? Not really. But more than physical, what’s bothering me more is the mental and emotional.
The last straw for me was when Jordan and I went to go see the Dark Knight a few weeks back. I had my eyes closed a lot, looking like a 6 year old wussy girl, I’m sure. But I just don’t like seeing stuff like that. I’ve always been like that. I could never watch a fight in highschool because it made me sick to my stomach. Even though I used to like scary movies, truthfully, my hands covered my face half the time.
I guess for me it’s like this. You wouldn’t want to surround yourself with negative, downer people, right? I feel the same way about being around violence, whether it be in real life or on t.v. Real or fake. Just gives me the same types of feelings. Brings me down the same way.
So I told Jordan I’m done. Maybe for a long while or maybe I just need a break. I don’t know.
He asked me if I was implying that he should stop too. And no, I wasn’t. I think it’s a personal choice. If it doesn’t bother and affect him the way it does me, I see no reason why he can’t go on watching whatever he chooses. He’s been watching movies alone more often lately.
As for me, I see enough of that junk on t.v. in the evening news, read about it in the papers and get a glimpse of all the horror I can handle when I watch documentaries & read stories about the women and children in Africa. I don’t need more of it and I certainly don’t need it to “entertain me”.
So there you have it. I’ve gone mad. 😉